Hanging By a Thin Thread

Birthday Wheel

2009-11-07T22:48:00.001-06:00

Well, after the glum post last week, my birthday weekend has taken quite a turn for the better. Tomorrow (November 8th) is my actual BD, and let's just say I'm one year shy of the big 5-0. Yikes.

Anyway, my sweet Bobby made this birthday extremely special by getting me a new spinning wheel. This is a combined birthday, Christmas/Hannukah, and anniversary present all rolled into one in advance, but it warms my heart that he wanted me to have the wheel in spite of the uncertainties that dog our lives right now. We both feel "cautiously optimistic" about our personal and collective future. So those of you who have written to me with well wishes and concern - bless you!

During the past few months, I've been wanting a new wheel. My 1970's model Ashford Traditional has served me well in my first year of spinning, but she's a single treadle with one ratio and very small bobbins. And she's a bit clunky and not extremely cooperative in traveling to various knitting/spinning guild get-togethers. She's a old girl, don't cha know (nearly as old as THIS old girl). Therefore, she prefers to sit at home rather than being squashed into my small Toyota.

I was considering 4 wheels: the Ashford Joy, the Ashford Traveller, Louet Victoria and last but not least, the Kromski Sonata. Well guess, which one I picked? Ta Da Da DA . . . . . . . . . the Kromski Sonata, in Walnut finish, won out.

And now time for the official unveiling!!!

While we were unpacking her from the box, my dog Domino remained unimpressed. In fact, he dozed.

Here's Bob working away, studying the directions and working on the assembly. (There's not much assembly involved, but there's a little when it comes straight out of the box like this).

So we finally got it together and in good working order. And afterwards, both of my boys were pretty wiped out. But the wheel and I were both wide awake and stayed up spinning until quite late.

One Thing After Another

2009-11-01T10:35:00.011-06:00

The last month has just flown by in a flash. All time seems to go fast, but this month in particular. I feel like I'm constantly rushing from one thing to another, just like a hamster on a treadmill, but sometimes I feel like a hamster whose foot has gotten TRAPPED in the treadmill and I've fallen on my face.

Anyway, things haven't gone particularly well this month. I'm still trying to lose that bit of weight that had crept back on -- it's harder taking off than keeping off, let me tell you but the important thing is I'm making progress.

Also, Bob is laid off from his company now. We're not in horrible financial shape yet, and are luckier than most to still have our medical benefits to continue, at least for a few months. But there is the overall worry of the horrible economy and being 50 in the job market, as he is, isn't as easy as being 25. Plus, I'm still not officially hired on with the company I've been temping with for the past 6 months. So things in the career department are still scarily "up in the air."

I'm trying to just hang on and continue to hope things will get better.

A few weeks ago, I finished the beautiful autumn-colored shawl that I was making for my secret swap partner. I got it mailed out to her the other day. After she opens it, I'll post photos of the shawl here on my blog.

Aunt Eve came to visit this weekend. I love having her. It's the one assurance that I'll get my house cleaned up a bit - having company to visit is very motivating in the housekeeping department. I wish she could come during better times. It seems like nearly every time she visits, I'm coping with some sadness or problem - last year it was my brother's death and my Grammy going into a nursing home. This year, it's Bob's job loss.

I did finally finish my Tapesty Regia toe-up socks that has been on the needles (can you believe it) nearly TWO YEARS. Yes, though I love knitting socks, I tend to poke along on them and go extremely slow.

I'm hoping the treadmill slows down a bit this week, but if it doesn't, I'll run with more joy in my new cozy socks.

Comfort - Without the Calories

2009-10-18T09:43:00.009-05:00

As I've mentioned, it's been really cold here lately, unseasonably cold, and I'm finding myself wanting to hibernate like an old bear, seeking warmth, comfort and emotional safety as well as deep sleep in a way that I do EVERY year at this time, but even more so what with all the financial uncertainty out there and Bob's job going away soon.

But anyhow, I'm not here to kavetch about that overmuch. The point is, because I'm in this sleepy, hungry, cold, and inactive mode, I haven't been exercising regularly AND instead of veggies, I've been craving soup, casseroles, and pie (my favorite is French Silk) - why the heck pie, don't ask!!! But this isn't helping my efforts to keep my weight steady. And it's certainly not helping me lose - the scale is creeping slowy up. Not drastically, but not the direction I want it to go.

So today, I decided to start thinking of comforting and warm and nurturing things I could do besides eat high cal foods and hunkering down in my comfy bed.

How about:

Broth soups instead of creamy soups?

Warm veggies instead of salads. I'm not feeling the salad at all lately.

How about hot flavored tea instead of high cal dessert drinks?

How about laying out my exercise clothes right by my bed so I can jump into them in the morning?

How about those 60 calorie chocolate puddings instead of the chocolate pie?

How about rewarding myself with sitting in bed and knitting while watching a movie only AFTER I've done my exercise for the day?

Any other ideas and insights would be greatly appreciated.

One more thing - I'm going to try to make my favorite high-cal drink at the local coffee shop and converting it into maybe lower cal alternative? The drink is called "London Fog." And it is the yummiest thing and most stomach-warming thing I've tasted in ages.

London Fog:

Harney & Sons Hot Cinnamon Spice Flavored Black Tea (1 teabag)

1 oz Monin's Sugarfree Vanilla Syrup

1 cup steam skim milk

Sprinkling of cinnamon on top

This morning, I just treated myself to a cup of that hot cinnamon tea all by itself, without the milk or syrup, but I served it to myself in a really pretty mug and it made me feel cozy and comfortable. So sometimes comfort can be had without ANY calories, but just a bit of self nurturing.

Questions to ponder today while spending some time curled up with my journal: "Why are you hungry? What in life are you hungry for? How can you feed yourself in a way that doesn't involve food?" Okay, not only am I going to sip tea, I'm going to sit down with my journal and explore those questions. Hunger is about more than one's stomach. And there are many routes to comfort.

Freezing: Still, A Three Day Weekend is a GOOD Thing

2009-10-12T07:49:00.011-05:00

It's hard to believe this is us only a couple of weekends ago, in late September, enjoying a very sunny day together sitting outside on a veranda. But now, we've been plunged into heavy jackets and are huddling inside.

It's a three day weekend - a rare but wonderful treat. Three day weekends are one of my favorite things on earth. I am so happy to be off. Yay! We were thinking of taking a road trip out of town, but we're too tight on money right now, so instead, we just stayed at home, cleaned out our kitchen pantry and closets and had a relaxing time together. Besides, the temperatures were FREEZING, no joke. We had unseasonably cold snap for early October. So we choose to stay at home, in front of the fire to read knit and watch movies, sounded like the best possible thing to do.

I got a lot of knitting done on my secret swap partner's shawl. I can't post a picture yet - either here or on Ravelry until Thanksgiving time, when we all do the "Big Reveal" but my knitting buddies have seen it growing progressively over the two months it has taken me to make it. Now I'm ALMOST done. I'm within 2 more repeats of being finished. Then the blocking. Then it will KILL me not to show the photos, but I'll restrain myself. Thanksgiving is really not that far away. Is it?

What's weird is that we have these extremely cold temps before our leaves have changed color. That's unusual. The trees are still largely green, with just a hint of autumn color, and I still have (or had?) tomatoes clinging to the vines, and yet we got down to 29 degrees at night and highs in the 40's maybe? I'm not sure. All I know is that when we took a quick trip over to Lawrence, Kansas yesterday morning I was so cold in my light jacket that we didn't walk around much.

One thing we DID do while in Lawrence was to visit Yarn Barn, my very favorite yarn store in the area. You guys would be SO proud of me. Instead of buying up a bunch of yarn, which I can't afford to do and don't NEED to do, I restrained myself by buying only the thing I set out to get - a Lantern Moon Maya Floral Sock Project Bag ($29). Here it is. This is the greatest little bag. It is light weight, in a delicate silk fabric that is reversible. It has pockets on both sides. It has a closure button on both sides, too. My bag is Garnett on one side and JadishCharcoal on the other. In spite of the bag being small and lightweight, it holds quite a bit - see it holds sock yarn, a completed sock, and one sock still on the needles. It also holds the folded up pattern.

What I Learned From Olive

2009-10-05T20:37:00.008-05:00

I have been reading a lot more. Ever since I bought a Kindle II electronic reader from Amazon, I've become obsessed with reading because it is even easier to grab my Kindle than to grab my knitting. It goes along in my purse and I can pull it out and do quick snatches of reading in short periods of stolen time. I've been gobbling up books greedily.

Now let me tell you about Olive Kitterage. She's not a REAL person, but I feel like she is. She's the focus of a novel called appropriately enough, Olive Kitterage by Elizabeth Strout. It won the 2009 Pultizer Prize for fiction. This novel is a series of short stories featuring Olive, a middle-aged math teacher. The story unfolds in a series of vignettes about her life at various stages. Sometimes Olive is the main character, and in a couple of the stories she merely plays a supporting role - but with each passing chapter, we get a deeper and broader picture of this character and her life.

I think it takes BEING a middle aged woman to look back on your life and see yourself and others in Olive. Granted, Olive is probably an extreme that most of us don’t reach, but there’s the little bit of “witch” in all of us that we see coming out sometimes. And then, there’s the dicotomy - the really compassionate nurturer that also comes out when we feel moved by someone/something. Although there’s more of the witch in Olive when she’s young, there’s the compassionate Earth Mother that shows itself increasingly as she ages - and a definite theme of regret rings through the later portion of the “novel” (collection of short stories). Yet what I admire about Olive is she doesn’t shirk or shrink from her own failings. She admits them, if privately. She mulls over those things - and in a way, this whole book is a collage of her life, much of which she probably wishes she did differently.

In one story, she remembers back when she and Henry (husband) were middle aged. She thinks a very profound thought. “There were days, she could remember this, when Henry would hold her hand as they walked home, middle-aged people, in their prime. Had they known at those moments to be quietly joyful? Most likely not. People mostly did not know enough when they were living life that they were living it.”

I have to say that in some stories, she comes off as fairly unlikeable but as her self-awareness and compassion grow, she becomes more likeable. Not only that, but even at her most unlikeable, the story is still absorbing. It's a cautionary tale of why I don't want to let some of the "Olive like" negative qualities creep into my relationships and damage them as they have in Olive's life.

Olive has taught me to be kinder and gentler to those I hold dear. To be less insistent on having my own way. To release my child a little bit - let her find her own way and to not be as judgmental. To be more flexible. To keep finding renewed meaning in life at every stage. Most important of all, nothing is as valuable as our relationships. We should be willing to bend, to reach out, to forgive and to give up our own petty hurts from the past so that we can keep the door of our relationships always open.

Number One Ladies Detective Agency

2009-09-22T19:56:00.008-05:00

I have been reading The Number One Ladies Detective Agency Series of books by Alexander McCall Smith. Although this is an old series that started back in 2003, I never was able to "get into" the first book when I started to read it years ago. It was only when the HBO series came out last spring that I decided to give the books a try again.

What made the whole series really come alive for me was the excellent audio book version read by a narrator who really drew me into the story with her rich voice and Bottswana accent. Precious Ramotswe, the lead detective in this story, is a "traditionally built" middle aged woman who is proud to be exactly what she is - calm, smart, and a solver of "small things" not "big things" like murder, but small things that affect people's lives most deeply. Her observations about human nature are so profound, that one minute I'm laughing and the next I'm jotting down her nuggets of wisdom so I can cling to them for future reference.

She is the loving Earth Mother who takes a slow, easy approach to life that relaxes me and calms me as I read. Far from boring, the series is character driven but once you step into the pages and immerse yourself in the lives of these imaginary people, they seem as real as can be. They are people you dearly WISH were real. I just finished reading the 9th book in the series, The Miracle At Speedy Motors, and I'm hoping the series never ends.

Now I'll go have myself a cup of Bush Tea, which Madame Ramotswe (pronounced "Ra-MOTES-way") drinks whenever she wants to relax and think deeply about a problem. I found that this mystery series is so popular that The Republic of Tea has actually come out with a "Botswana Blossom" natually caffeine-free Rooibos blended tea with Citrus, Blossoms and nuts in honor my favorite mystery series heroine. I daesay, Madame Ramostwe herself would approve. It's a good way to unwind at the end of a long day.

I Found My Refuge in a Monastery

2009-09-13T22:07:00.001-05:00

Serene. That's how I feel after returning from the most relaxing and satisfying weekend at a spiritual retreat held at a monastery. The Benedictine Sisters were doing a workshop retreat on "Centering Prayer."

I arrived on Friday evening, straight after work and met up with two other retreatants who had driven in from Topeka. We checked into our rooms had dinner together. Guess which room I got? #8 - which is my lucky number.

The room was so quaint - a small very comfortable twin bed. A dresser. A rocking chair. A small desk. A shared restroom. That was it. But it was wonderful - a quiet room with no TV. No computer.

At first, I worried that I'd be the only non-Catholic there, but most of the retreants were non-Catholic and from a variety of different backgrounds. The only thing we shared in common was a spiritual thirst and a longing for inner peace. The sisters made us feel right at home.

We were at the workshop all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday, but with breaks for exploring the beautiful tree-lined campus and many quiet places to meditate, pray, do journaling, to read, to walk, to talk with others and even a bit of time to knit. I found myself staying up late just so that I could spend a bit more uninterrupted quiet time alone. It was wonderful!

Sister Michaela, our retreat leader, was very inspiring. She talked about her own experiences with Centering Prayer and taught us intellectually at first, guiding us through the concepts conceptually. Then she had us practice the technique, which was a receptive kind of prayer focusing on a sacred word of our own choosing. We spent some time contemplating our word - and then trying it out during an initial practice session. We all discussed our experiences, then practiced several times the first day, broken by periods of talk, exploring the campus -- spending time alone and together. We also went to chapel and participated in their services. It was moving and amazing to observe.

As a group of 16 retreat members, we really bonded with one another for the short time we were there. Each person was unique, interesting and I enjoyed meeting each one. In fact, I have their email addresses and hope some of us can keep in touch.

We ended this afternoon with our final centering practice session, and then we left, returning to our "real lives." I hope to bring at least a small part of that peace back with me into daily life. But I know I need to keep meditating - because it's so much easier to be peaceful when you have low-stress situations such as a retreat. The real challenge is to BE that person I was there, and try to be that helpful, kind, serene person with my family, my coworkers, my friends in everyday life.

I hope to refresh myself again at a return visit in the future. Now that I've found such a special place, I will cherish it and return.

Taking Stock - Destash, UFOs, and Massive Frogging On Tap for Rest of 2009

2009-09-06T14:28:00.010-05:00

With the three day weekend, my Mom and I visited Sprouts yarn shop yesterday. I love that store. The good thing about that place is that they have tons of projects knitted up on display. Several of the little Noro cardigan sweaters were tempting and called out to me, promising that they would be so cute, and knit up fast, and yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard that story before. Though I came SO CLOSE to being lured in by yet another project. But I petted the pretty yarn (Noro - how can I resist you?) and then I set it back down and backed slowly out of the shop empty-handed.

I've largely been avoiding yarn shops for all of 2009, except an occasional purchase of shawl yarn which is something I really do use and don't tend to hoard. The reason is, I still have SO MUCH, even after giving away quite a bit back in 2008. I still have a lot of it - and it's starting to feel overwhelming, more like a burden than a pleasure.

So during this long and lovely 3-day weekend, I'm going to once again catalog my yarn stash, make note of the projects that are in limbo and make a firm decision to finish up or rip projects that have been sitting around for several seasons half-finished. It's time to knit it, rip it, or get rid of it.

I'm starting that cataloging process today.

I've decided that FOR ME stashing is no longer a good idea, and certainly hoarding is a mindset I want to release. So for the rest of 2009 (final 3 months), I'm releasing, purging, and using what I have. I'm going to be finishing up the UFO that are still ones I WANT to finish - releasing the rest.

In a future installment, I'll let you know which UFO's will be given a stay of execution.

Diet Secret - Modular Eating

2009-09-01T12:19:00.010-05:00

You've heard of Modular Knitting, right? Not everybody likes it, but essentially it's where you knit a series of small pieces and put it together into a whole garment. Well, what I've found is working well for me on the diet front is to do what I call "Modular Eating."

Just to preface this, I am still on Jenny Craig and check in with my diet counselor weekly, and I still eat some of their foods, but I've also branched out to supplement with some of my own healthy snacks and meals.

No matter if I'm eating a Jenny Craig meal or one "on my own" I still eat basically the same. I eat three small healthy meals and two snacks per day - that means, low fat, low sugar, low sodium. The low sodium part is very important. Lots of vegetables and 2 fruits per day to fill me up and meet the nutritional needs. I also take a daily multi-vitamin as this has been proven to help weight loss.

I eat small, healthy meals that are very simple. They are NOT huge on variety and are small in portion size. Too much variety tends to reawaken my need to eat for pure taste rather than what my body needs. It could be cereal, skim milk and a fruit. It could be oats, particularly in the winter. It often is an egg or two, with 1 slice of whole wheat toast and turkey or veggie bacon. Typical lunch/dinner meals are: 2-4 oz of lowfat protein, veggie or salad selection, lowfat dressing and grilled veggies. For snacks, I like Jello 60 calorie pudding snacks (gets in a milk selection), the Dannon Light & Fit yogurt (80 calories); Mott's Natural Applesauce, 1 stick of skim milk cheese. Favorite veggies: Birdseye Steamers - veggies that you can pop in the microwave and steam. They are delicious and fast.

When I do eat Jenny Craig, they are typically 250 calorie meals that are low in fat, salt and probably are equivalent to many other diet frozen foods such as Healthy Choice.

If I eat out, I like to eat 1/2 of a Burger King Veggie Burger. McDonald's favorite snack is their yogurt parfait thing with the fruit. If we eat at a steak restaurant, I order a very small steak or split one with Bob. I eat a potato without the junk on it with grilled veggies.

I try to cut up plenty of fresh veggies on hand and have them ready for when I get the munchies. I package them up in plastic bags to toss into my lunch bag each day. But when I don't have time, I never hesitate to buy precut veggies or salads. The important thing is that they remain readily available in my fridge at all times. I have to admit, veggies are something I have to FORCE myself to eat, so I try to keep the ones I like available and eat them before eating other foods I might prefer. When I get in my daily veggie allotment, I don't find myself overeating as much and feel "fuller."

What have I eliminated from my former eating? Popcorn (that's a red light food for me), ice cream, regular hamburgers and fries. Most fatty desserts. Doughnuts (yuck how did I ever eat those?) Bagels (Bagels I do miss you!!). Gravy. Creamy sauces. Rolls, bread and carbs. Fast food sandwiches in general. High-salt processed meat. Fried foods. Potato chips.

Now mind you, I am not perfect on this diet, not by any means. I still have a ways to go. Ideally, I'd like to lose another 10-15 pounds, but even if I don't lose another pound, I'm much happier where I am now as opposed to where I was a year ago.

Sometimes I splurge and eat the old, unhealthy stuff, but I don't beat myself up about it, I just realize that this type of old-habit "comfort food" eating is what once made me 20 pounds heavier in the past. If I want to maintain my current weight, which I have for 10 months, then I need to eat simply, keep myself to the basic foods I know that I like but don't like so much that I go overboard.

By having a few standard foods and snacks that I buy regularly from the store, I don't get overwhelmed by too many choices. Same thing with restaurants. Most places we go, I can eat SOMETHING. I know ahead of time what I need to order. The only thing I really can't do and stay on program well is Chinese Food. I LOVE it and occasionally indulge - but that's a total diet killer. Whenever I eat it, I gain a few pounds and have to get back on the straight and narrow really quick!

Another thing that is crucial: don't get overly hungry. When you are starving, you can almost never make a good food choice. So eat often. Plan to eat in modules that you know are easy to make, buy and eat. That's my diet tip of the day - and I'm mentioning it because I am reminding myself of what brings success for me so that hopefully I can continue following it for the best results.

My big diet bugaboo remains eating to comfort myself, especially late night snacking or weekend indulgences during high-stress times - but my good friend Phyllis reminds me that often when I THINK I'm starving, especially if it's night-time, I'm probably just tired and can benefit much better from going to bed rather than to the refrigerator.

Those are my tips. If you have any to share, please let me know.

Ribwarmer Rehash

2009-08-30T20:51:00.005-05:00

Well, what have I been doing in the way of knitting lately? Sometimes I forget this is a knitting blog.

I'm still hard at work on my Ravelry partner's pray shawl. It's a secret because we are keeping it all under wraps until the "big reveal" in November. I have a wonderful swap partner who is very talented - she's designing a shawl for me, I can't imagine being able to design. That's just a talent that is beyond me. So I'm working on a stole-type lace prayer shawl for her, but I can't tell you much more about it until November. It's about 25% along and is looking good so far. We're all exchanging and unwrapping the shawls around Thanksgiving time. What fun that will be!

The Elizabeth Zimmermann Tea that my guild held earlier this month inspired me to knit Zimmermann patterns. Since I love vests and fall is close at hand, I have started thinking "Ribwarmer." I tried to start this ribwarmer you see pictured here, in the Mountain Colors colorway of Tamarak but I don't know how well it is working up. It seems too long on my short-waisted body. Hmmmm. That's giving me pause. Plus I don't know if the varigated yarn I chose is working up like I'd hoped. The colors seem to be pooling in a way I'm not thrilled about.

While EZ's designs are amazing in their simplicity - they are straight-forward but not always detailed enough for my clear understanding. I can't always figure out what she's describing. So I'm struggling over this ribwarmer pattern. I've always LOVED this design and the way it looks on people. But I'm not crazy about how mine is working up. Recently, a Ravelry friend named Sandra has tried to step me through it a bit. I'm still trying to decide if I should rip this Mountain Colors/Tamarak vest and start over. Not quite sure yet.

We have had a wonderful cool summer - amazing really. And this weekend was cool and pleasant - an early Autumn perhaps? Wouldn't that be wonderful?

I am still under a lot of anxiety on several fronts, but this weekend was a welcome reprieve - I just have to have faith that Bob's job situation, and all the other uncertainties lingering in my life right now will eventually fall into place. In knitting, just as in "real life" sometimes you have to change direction, refocus your plans and be prepared to rip out and start over when things aren't turning out right.

Waiting for the Next Shoe to Drop?

2009-08-23T08:27:00.005-05:00

Why is that so many people, including me, are under this weird sort of TENSION right now? Yes, the economy is bad. Really bad, especially in some parts of the country like Michigan, Florida and California where we have cousins barely able to make it right now in local economies that make ours look prosperous.

And yes, even those with jobs are afraid of losing them. And I know of this personally because my husband Bob is slated to lose his. They're shutting down his department and outsourcing it. We just don't know exactly when yet. So we're waiting for the shoe to drop.

But still . . . there's more . . . an unspoken tension in the air that is almost touchable. People on the road - driving much more aggressively than usual. Bickering. Back biting. Negativity. Maybe it's just me, but I'm noticing it more. I'm trying to shake it off, be positive. But sometimes I just wish I could stay in bed under a sheet and hide all day.

Sorry for this dive into self-pity. I just sense the overwhelmingness of what so many people are going through, and a fear somehow that I should be preparing for something - a BIG transition.

Hey, this is my Sunday. One more day to rest, and finish errands, chores etc. Maybe the shoe isn't really there. And maybe looking at it doesn't help. There are so many people buried under way more than shoes. Comparatively, I have few worries.

Elizabeth Zimmermann Birthday Tea Party

2009-08-11T19:03:00.008-05:00

August 9, 2009 (Sunday) would have been Elizabeth Zimmermann's 99th birthday. My local knitting guild, The Sunflower Guild, celebrated by having a wonderful tea party at The Victorian Trading Company. This was the PERFECT setting for the gathering. We had, gosh, maybe 30 knitters from our guild in a little old-fashioned Victorian furnished parlour inside the store in a private tearoom. The furnishings were wonderfully authentic, and our guild members had all dressed up in their summer dresses and many wore shawls or Elizabeth-inspired knitting projects.

What can I say? It was a delightful afternoon. While we drank tea and homemade lemonade, we enjoyed treats prepared by several of the members.

We heard Elizabeth stories, about events from her life and her books. We discussed projects that were made from or inspired by her books. We had an Elizabeth trivia game and prizes were awarded. There were dainty little hand made notecards, handspun and/or hand-dyed yarn.

It was just delightful! This is the second year they had the event. I didn't get a chance to go last year, but will definitely plan to attend next year.

This lovely afternoon reminded me of an Elizabeth story I heard from Davis Xanakis during his Double Knitting class the first year I attended Stitches in 2003. He told of how Elizabeth used to be knitting constantly, including while her husband drove the car or motorbike. Whenever she would go to dinner at someone's home, she would often bring them a gift, and often a knitted gift. One day, he said, she was on the way to dinner at someone's home and she knitted the host a double-knitted pot holder so that the table would be insolated from hot pans. She just whipped it up and hurried to finish it on the way to dinner and presented it as she walked in the door, barely off her needles.

My own personal "Elizabeth" memory is one of my craft-loving grandmother, Ferne, (now 93 and still with us) watching EZ's PBS TV show. Grammy would never let us turn the station while EZ was on. She stayed glued to it the whole time. In recent years, she's really enjoyed us being able to view EZ videos from the library. It brought back a lot of warm memories from the times we watched it together during the 1960's during the PBS years.

So in closing, as Elizabeth would say, "Knit on, with confidence and hope, through all crises."

Naughty Gnats and Other Annoyances

2009-08-08T16:54:00.006-05:00

Perhaps because we've had an extemely cooler and wetter than normal summer here in the Kansas City area, there are more gnats and other flying insects. How do I know this? Because at the office I've recently noticed these little fruit fly like things, gnats, or whatever you call it, hoovering around my desk at work, especially whenever I'm eating the fruits and veggies that I so often eat.

What I noticed was that day after day last week, as I worked on an undesirable project and it became more difficult and frustrating, my annoyance with the gnats increased steadily. Monday, minor irritation. Tuesday, why are they here? Wednesday, what the . . . . Thursday, okay stop it SWAT!! Friday . . . ughhhh. By Friday, I wanted to kill them literally, whatever it took.

So Friday I actually interrupted my work flow to conduct an Internet search how to get rid of gnats. Then I took an early lunch break, went out to the grocery store and armed myself with the homemade remedy recommended on several sites which is: put some cider vinegar in a small cup, along with some Dawn detergent, cover the cup with with plastic wrap poked with a few holes and held closed by a rubber band. Thus, I took the time to create these little gnat traps and put them all around my office.

Well, this sounds silly but I'm the type of person who attributes meaning to everything. Including gnats. What interested me was not so much the gnats themselves, but my reaction to them. My annoyance was about more than gnats. Maybe I'm annoyed and irritated by a lot of things. Too many things.

Then I remembered what a psychologist once told me. When something really annoys you, you have only four basic options: 1) accept the situation; 2) change it (by changing yourself or your environment since you can't always change other people nor gnats; 3) change your attitude; 4) leave (the situation, the relationship etc.) - simply eliminate it. That's it, four options in almost any life situation.

So in the case of my gnats, I'm trying to make my office environment less appealing to gnats (change the environment), and doing this by setting traps that may capture the little buggers while I'm gone this weekend.

And if all all fails, I may have to just accept and co-exist with them. I suspect I'm noticing and overreacting to their presence largely because I have to face that project and either tackle it effectively or figure out another option. The gnats were a distraction that I let myself become preoccupied with - in other words, gnats ain't the real problem. See what I mean? It's me and how I'm dealing with other things. It's also my attitude. I need to sometimes step back and not overreact to small irritations.

Many of the small things WILL eventually take care of themselves.

But I can't lose my peace of mind over a gnat.

What's "bugging" you this week? Can you change it? Can you fix it? What are you really "bugged" about?

Making A Place for Spiritual Practice

2009-07-26T13:56:00.008-05:00

Three years ago, back in our old house, I used to have a place in our house specifically designated for prayer and meditation. I had a little altar set up on a small table where I had meditation stones, some prayer books, my Daily Word, and my journal alongside a very comfortable chair that was used only for my prayer and meditation.

Each morning before going to work, I'd wake up early and go to that quiet place to do my daily spiritual practice. That was a special calm place and you could just feel the calm and peace emmanating when you entered that room.

Well, I haven't been going to Unity services lately as I used to, and I really miss it. So I decided today to get up early, go to church there at Unity Village - you wouldn't belive it, but the topic of today's lesson was "Spiritual Practice." And guess what? I haven't been practicing! In fact, I don't even have a good meditation chair or altar in my home anymore. And that's sad.

The only thing spiritual I've done in recent months is to pray at night for those specifically in need, and I also pray while I make my prayer shawls. But there hasn't been enough inner listening, and that's what I need - a place to be still and listen for inner guidance. Maybe G-d's been talking to me and I haven't had my spiritual receiver on - I dunno.

Anyway, I'm going to make a place again. I'm going to make time. Maybe only 10 minutes per day. But 10 dedicated minutes. It's worth getting up a few minutes early to get centered in spirit. It will be my first appointment of the day.

Last Weekend was St. Louis

2009-07-21T06:24:00.009-05:00

We needed to get away. So we spent last weekend in St. Louis - with a 1/2 day stop in Columbia. Emily enjoyed the vintage shops and picked up a few cute items to add to her wardrobe.

Finished the Roll Neck shawl while we were car tripping. I liked it except I first knitted the eyelet edging and it rolled terribly. Ripped it out and replaced it with a garter stitch edge - not as pretty, but much more functional and this is, after all, a functional shawl. The Seta Lana yarn used in it is silk and wool blend for only $5.80 a skein - found it a few weeks ago at True Blue Fiber Friends in Columbia.

Went to my favorite lunch place - Teller's in Columbia and had a delicious salad with tuna steak on top - delicious. St. Louis was wonderful. Saw the new stadium. Didn't go to the game, but we drove by and it looks impressive. A co-worker went to the game and loved it. Maybe I'll have to go to a game there in the future. Arch is still there - stunning as always.

I found a brand new knit shop in St. Louis - Kirkwood Knittery. Never knew it was there. Wonderful place with knowledgable, friendly sales staff and LOTS of yarns that are hard to find. I'm talking Malabrigo here - yes they had it - in a variety of colors. And it's damned hard to find unless you go online. I wanted an instant Malabrigo fix to start a new shawl - called Ulmus. This is a fanciful, beautiful shawl in two colors. I started it using Malabrigo Chocolate Armago and Lettuce - too stark a contrast. Started over and am using Chocolate in Malabrigo with Happy Feet #2 - which are orange variegated orangey/autumnal colors the border will be in solid brown.

Saturday afternoon was spent on the Del Mar Loop. We walked all over that place. Emily loves the vintage shops there.

The weather was absolutely beautiful. Cool. No rain. Lovely. Relaxing. Couldn't have been better.

One Thing . . . That's All

2009-07-12T12:45:00.006-05:00

There are times when my knitter's ADD even drives ME crazy. Yes. Right now is one of those times. When this happens, what I do is get rid of the excess crap that is getting me down - and just focusing on one thing. The simplest form of prioritizing is focusing on one thing.

Because I've been enjoying reading on my new Kindle2 almost to the exclusion of any other free-time activity, including knitting (amazing isn't it?) I am feeling overwhelmed with all the knitting projects I've started in past months and let fall by the wayside. I may be ripping out and repurposing yarn if I am no longer loving these projects.

In other words, I crave projects that are really easy, instant gratification type of things. I want to comfort myself in a non-food kind of way - knitting seems perfect for that, but only if I don't overwhelm myself with choices. One project at a time. I can't handle more right now.

So that's what I'm doing - the Roll Neck Wrap in a lovely coral color is the perfect project for this mindset. It is pretty and soft. It's all I need this lovely easy-going Sunday afternoon.

As far as the diet and exercise are going, I'm doing somewhat better. But I'm still not where I want to be. I'm staying on the program better. Exercising on most days.

Today is a pajama day. Perfect. One simple salad for lunch. One iced tea. One beautiful coral shawl in progress while watching one great movie called Monsoon Wedding.

What else does one person need? One thing - that's all. One thing at a time.

Red White and TRUE BLUE FIBER FRIENDS

2009-07-05T12:47:00.014-05:00

Bob and I have both been feeling so harried and frazzled lately. We desperately needed to get away for an overnight trip, so on an impulse, we decided to go to Columbia, Missouri. It's a great college town that is about 90 minutes away - just a stone's throw, but far enough to seem like a mini-vacation.

We stayed at the Drury Inn, which is one of our favorite hotels. We always stay at Drury in whatever town we're traveling to. This one had an indoor pool which was very nice. And they serve a free breakfast. We made Belgium waffles.

We bummed around on Friday, visiting our favorite vintage shops on the strip there in downtown Columbia. The weather was wonderful - cooler and cloudy but not rainy.

We went to a wonderful microbrewery called Flatbush Microbrewery that we've visited before on other trips into town. We're not drinkers at all, and especially not beer drinkers, but when we go to Flatbrush, we get a microbrewery sampler and try a taste of six different beers. Our favorite this time was the Green Chile. Very unusual but good. They have absolutely wonderful food there - this time I tried the Chicken Mediterranian Pasta - not on my diet but it was to die for.

I also couldn't resist visting a yarn store. Since I usually go to Hillcreek there in Columbia, this time I decided to try the other shop in town, a smaller one called TRUE BLUE FIBER FRIENDS. Pictured are the owners. Bex (pictured holding the baby) was there on Friday and helped me deciper my gauge for a Elizabeth Zimmermann Ribwarmer that I've been trying to get right. I'm having a gauge issue, so she gave me some ideas and spent some time showing me how I could recalculate the pattern with the current gauge I'm getting. She was very nice and helpful.

Unfortunately she informed me that I JUST MISSED (last weekend)an Ozark Handspun fiber workshop that they'd had there at the shop last weekend featuring Dave of Ozark Handspun. Bummer. They had a cute (to me) but maybe FUNKY to other people, sweater on display that she said will be a free pattern up on the Ozark Handspun website in a few days. It's called the Crazy Blocks sweater and it's a free pattern, like many of the patterns on the Ozark Handspun website, though it can be tricky to navigate their website to find them.

There were some nice shoppers who came in wanting to buy some Mirasol Tupa yarn for some shawls they were making. I asked them about it and Bex pulled an attractive but very utilitarian shawl called "Roll-Neck Wrap" off her display to show me - it was a lovely green color, a simple three-sided shawl that she said she loves to wear as well as make because it stays put on your shoulders. The pattern is so easy it can be made in a matter of days. So if you need to make a quick gift or prayer shawl, this project is an excellent pick for that purpose.

The pattern was designed by a local customer and Bex sells it at her shop (see photo. The shawl has sold so well in her store that Bex has temporarily sold out of Mirabella. (She's getting in a new shipment on Monday after the holidays). But it's that a really great shawl? It's really easy. I cast on mine last night, and it's growing pretty rapidly. This is JUST the kind of mindless project I need to work on right now. If you'd like to buy the pattern, Bex sells them for $5 but there may be a small shipping charge.

So it was a pleasant Fourth. On Saturday, we spent the day with Emily and her friends and watched the fireworks at a nearby lake. It was a rare cool evening and though they seemed to have a shorter fireworks display this year due to the tight economy, we appreciated it even more. My favorite was near the end of the show, they had beautiful waterfalls on two sides of the sky. It was gorgeous. I've never seen that display before, and unfortunately I didn't bring my camera or get a photo so you'll just have to imagine it. This year, our chilly weather made it the coolest Independence Day I ever recall. And I delight in cool weather. What fun to sit in a boat and watch fireworks with a jacket on.

How was yours?

Help . . . My Treadmill Is Rolling Backwards

2009-06-28T10:25:00.008-05:00

Ahhh!!! For 7 months now, I've been doing really good and dedicated to using the Jenny Craig weight loss plan. I like the plan, because it includes a good balance of exercise, prepackaged and preplanned meals, and weekly support by meeting with a counselor.

I lost 22 pounds from November to February. Then in February, I just started kinda of staying the same - somewhere between 136-138 pounds. I wasn't totally satisfied with that, but I had managed to get into a low enough size that I was proud of where I was, and hoping to at least maintain that loss and maybe gradually continue to creep down and perhaps eventually lose an additional ten less pounds. I'd be delighted to weigh in the mid to high 120 range.

But I've actually been really content to be where I'm at. At 5'3" weigh 22 pounds less than I use to is no small accomplishment. But ever since I started my new job in mid-May, I've been focusing on it, having some additional stress that the STRETCH part of my job has been creating, and in short, I've not been sticking as much with the exercise and eating plan the past couple of weeks as I should be.

It's finally showing up on the scale, at my Jenny Craig weigh-in yesterday, I was up to 140. Eeekss!!! Not that 3 extra pounds is all that dramatic, but it's a trend of gradually gaining and getting off program that I don't want to allow to happen.

I need to step back on the treadmill, literally and not let the lack of exercise and poor eating habits creep back into my lifestyle again. I feel SO MUCH BETTER when I am healthy and fit. So . . . . starting today . . . I'm back to wearing my pedometer, eating the JC foods instead of eating out so much, getting in 10,000 steps a day no matter what. I know that it will make me feel happier, less stressed, and more in control of my life. The exercise makes me feel so much better.

The word I picked for this year was "Priorities" and clearly I am not keeping my health and fitness center stage, where it needs to be for me to accomplish my fitness goals.

Another helpful tool I have been using, and need to watch today to recharge my motivation is called "Touchstones for Success." It is a Jenny Craig sponsored DVD and CD program that was done by Martha Beck, a writer who I've met in person at our local writer's conference and who has since risen to fame on Oprah. She has a regular column in Oprah's magazine. Martha is phenomenal. She provides insights in many arenas of life that are very helpful. So if you need a dose of inspiration in terms of fitness, I'd highly recommend this program. You can get it used on Amazon for around $16. I bought mine new at the JC center, but wherever you get it, it's worth every penny and MORE.

They say the first step to fixing a problem is acknowledging it. And as you know, I like to call a problem what it is a PROBLEM. Euphemisms like "issue" just tick me off and minimize the situation. So I'm facing a problem in fitness motivation, and I'm facing it head on. Okay? It may take me a week or two to see results on the scales. I can't control my mid-life hormones or many other things affecting the scales, but I can get on the treadmill, eat my JC meals, keep my food diary, and do the right actions to hopefully produce better results. I'll check back in by next week and let you know the results.

It's a (Big) Stretch

2009-06-21T08:59:00.012-05:00

Several years ago, when I broke away from being a legal secretary and went back to my dream of being in sales and marketing - I started reading a book by Rhonda Britten called Fearless Living. I loved that book. Rhonda's personal story of how she overcame an extremely dysfunctional childhood makes you feel like by God, if SHE can overcome her fears and obstacles, anyone can. She shows you how to figure out what your deepest fears are - so that you can overcome them. If you go inside and feel the fear, you can tell what really makes your stomach clench up.

In the book, she talks about setting goals at different levels - some are easily obtainable, while some are "stretch" goals. Lately, I've been setting myself some stretch goals and in fact my whole job right now is a "stretch" job for me, but I love it so far. There's just so much to learn and do that I'm pretty much just focusing on it right now, which is why you haven't been hearing much about my knitting lately - I haven't been doing much except learning my new job and reading books on my Kindle.

Nevertheless, I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm enjoying the lifepath right now, which is SUCH a refreshing change. It's not all fun and games by any means, but I just returned from a 3 day trip to Vail, Colorado which was such a treat in the dead heat of summer. I learned a lot, I absorbed a lot of information about the industry, and I'm stretching my skills to a whole new level.

My boss and I flew into Denver's Stapleton airport last Tuesday and got back late on Thursday. We drove the two hours from Denver to Vail in a rental car and I was simply awestruck by the beautiful scenery. I've only visited Colorado one other time, and I have to say that I absolutely LOVE the mountains. Vail is the most stunningly beautiful place I've ever been. I wish I could have brought the family and stayed a couple of weeks. Oh well, back to reality now.

But it just goes to show that sometimes if you reach high, on a rare day, you almost feel as if you can touch the clouds.

Edited four days later (June 25th) to add: Yeah this job is a really different one than I've ever had before - some days I feel really happy and high with it and other days . . . like yesterday, I feel stretched TOO far. Felt a bit tired and defeated the last couple of days. A bit OVERstretched.

So what I'm saying is that there are definitely days where I miss the ease and comfort of my old comfy job. After exercise and stretching yourself, you CAN stretch too much and make yourself sore. This morning I'd give anything to walk into my OLD office instead of the new one. I'm tired and feeling down on myself - so opposite of the day I posted this, only three or four days ago? Self-defeat and doubt still creeps in - and I just wanted to reflect both sides accurately. Today it's a slog and I'm certainly not high with the opportunity. Glug, glug.

Really Into Lavendar Right Now

2009-06-13T20:28:00.009-05:00

Ever since I started reading, THE WILDWATER WALKING CLUB by Claire Cook, author of Must Love Dogs, I have been fixated on Lavendar - both the color and the plant. This novel is about a 40-something senior executive woman who has taken a Voluntary Buyout from a tennis shoe company and feels at a turning point in her life. Her boyfriend has dumped her. She feels frumpy and depressed. With a ton of newfound time on her hands, she is creating a new life for herself. She meets two new friends who join her on a plan to walk 10,000 steps per day. They all wear pedometers and begin taking walks together every morning - in the beginning the goal is to get in shape, but as the main characters says (I'm paraphrasing here): "I started walking for vanity's sake, but ended up walking for sanity's sake."

The reason for the lavendar obsession is that one of the friends owns a lavendar farm and they all begin making lavendar sachets, dream pillows, lavendar and mint in their gardens, as well as cooking with it. I have been having a serious desire to go out and buy some lavendar to make my own Dream Pillow and maybe some Lavendar Essential Oil - to make who knows what concoction. The book is full of recipes that sound really fun to try.

I also started making a shawl for myself, the Aoelian shawl from Knitty, that I think will be beautiful in a lavendar-grey color called "New York." I have some lavendar beads to go with it. It's a beaded shawl and is my first attempt at ever making a shawl out of cobweb like lace. My extremely patient friend Kay helped me get it started. Though I LOVE making shawls, I hate starting them, so she got me on my way through the provisional cast on and the first few rows that were the most frustrating. I think I have 27 stitches on the needles now and am on like maybe the 8th row of the setup section of the chart.

Now I'm getting ready to dive into a bath of Lavendar and Chamomile.

Kindle 2

2009-06-06T07:44:00.008-05:00

Where have I been? The new job has kept me hopping - busy, busy, busy in extreme crash learning mode.

But there's another thing that has snagged my time and attention of late and that is . . . . my new Kindle2. Here she is, and although we were a total blind date, since I'd never tried one or even seen one in person before buying, I have wanted one ever since the Kindle first came out, and when it arrived, it was love at first sight.

With the Kindle, you can download books instantly from Amazon thorugh their Whispernet technology, which is really fun. I love downloading the sample chapters of books to see if I'm going to like it before buying. I also love the free books that are available, many of the classics that I haven't read in far too long. Right now, I'm immersed in War and Peace alongside a Richard Bandler self help book called Get the Life You Want. He uses some sort of meditative, self-hypnotic exercises to move you into make changes in your mental and emotional life. Excellent.

Though I thought I'd really MISS the real page sensory experience of reading paper books, the Kindle is an experience in itself - very much like reading but better in some ways. More portable. Less expensive to download electronic books than to buy real ones. I sat cuddled up in my swinging porch chair today, reading my Kindle, and it reminded me of those carefree summer days in childhood when I sat in a tree swing and read.

This was a fun day - went to Lawrence, ate breakfast at Miltons with Bob, Emily and my Mom. We shopped around a little bit in the beautiful springlike weather - nice breeze. Read in my porch swing - knitted with the knitting girls. Then ate an absolutely delicous dinner with Bob at Bombay Palace, a new Indian restaurant in town. It was the most relaxing place - a real total sensory experience. We ended the meal by sharing mango ice cream and drinking hot chai tea.

Ah, nice day! And I am growing to love my Kindle2 more every day. But Bob's not TOO jealous yet.

2 At a Time Socks

2009-05-25T10:32:00.007-05:00

Here we go again - I first bought this book early last Spring, and I tried and tried to learn Melissa Morgan-Oakes method of 2 Socks at Once using the Magic Loop method. This particular book is a cuff-down method - all her patterns are cuff down. The reason this method is so appealing is because I knit slowly, have a bit of the Second Sock Syndrome, since I'd ideally like to wear the socks immediately, without having to motiviate myself to do the sock mate. Another important part of wanting to work this way is the fact that I love to learn new things. Learning fresh techniques keeps the mind exercised and fresh. Keeps the thinking flexible and agile - which is important to me as a "woman of a certain age."

Opinions on the book? First let me say that I LOVE her concept. I love the patterns in the book. And I think it's the best $12.95 I ever spent on a knitting book. Hands down. However, the book is not without its challenges, mainly Errata galore. Be sure, if you buy this book, that you go download the Errata and save yourself a lot of frustration. Not only does it have more than it's share of errata, but unfortunately it sometimes affects key concepts. So I found the Errata, but even so, I found myself getting stuck on the heels. There is a Ravelry group that is dedicated to discussing this method, and I found their discussions tremendously helpful.

Even so, what has kicked me in the butt to try this method again is our Blue Springs Knitting Group which has started a sock Knitalong. We are all going to learn the Afterthought Heel technique together - and we're using different methods of making the socks. Several of us are learning this 2 Sock Magic Loop method, and Julie (Juliebug on Ravelry) is stepping me through this. I haven't gotten to the heel yet, so I'm still holding my breath, but now I have a real live in-person friendly knitter holding my hand through the process. That is making it more fun, and this time I'm determined to master the dang technique once and for all.

Twenty Wishes

2009-05-16T08:35:00.005-05:00

Okay, I'm nearly finished with a Debbie Macomber book in the Blossom Street series called Twenty Wishes. It's about a group of middle-aged widows, several of whom are knitters, who get together and decide to make a list of Twenty Wishes - things that they would like to do in their lives. Since these women are widows, they've all had a loss of a partner, so they're each exploring ways to find new joy in their lives.

The wishes on each woman's list are really varied, some things are skills they want to learn to do. Simple things like learning to knit, or taking belly dancing lessons. The thing I'd like to do is to finally learn a foreign language - for practical purposes, I SHOULD learn Spanish, but in my heart, Russian has always had an intriguing appeal . . . ever since I read WAR AND PEACE back in high school.

Other things are whimsical, such as dance in the rain with someone they love, going to Paris, etc. Some items are things they want to buy for themselves, such as a red pair of cowboy boots one lady had on her list. Other things involve giving to others, such as donating time as a volunteer, or participating in some charity that is close to one's heart.

There's a heartbreakingly charming little girl in the book, Ellen, who writes her own list.

While the book started rather slow, I am really enjoying it, but mainly because of the list concept. This novel is inspiring me to make my OWN list. What 20 things do I really want to do for fun, enjoyment, enrichment and growth in my own life? I am going to start a list right now . . . feel free to join me if you care to. And if you do, be sure and tell me about it. Maybe we can inspire one another with ideas.

Remember Wedge Sandals?

2009-05-07T17:10:00.016-05:00

All during my teen years, during the '70s, I often wore these really high wedge sandals that I THOUGHT made me look taller. I haven't worn anything like that in decades. Well, guess what? Today, I was feeling young at heart and bought these. Don't ask me why. Pure fun wearing them though.

Also, today I finally finished up the Scrabble Lace Vest that I have been making from the Alpaca Grande Vest pattern that I made a couple of winters ago in heavyweight alpaca. Pictured here, the red vest is the winter version, made from heavy warm Alpaca Grande yarn.

Using the lightweight Feza yarns in Iplik Fiona - it only took 1 1/2 skeins, a bit less than 2 balls, to make this cute and lightweight spring vest. The pattern is amazingly simple. You make a ribbed rectangle, seam it up in two side seams and voila!

This colorway #1456 appears mostly with browns and beige and peach in the photo, but in person, it also has a wide spectrum of other beautiful colors such as Rose and Lavendar. It’s really a pretty yarn that produces a nice garment. The yarn has sections of cream and then it has runs of peach, brown, rose. When knit in this scrabble lace method, it makes splotches of color and texture that is very freeform like in its appearance. I knit this on size 11 needles and that is what gave the scrabble lace effect and all I did was just plain garter ribbing in order to produce it.

Prom Time

2009-05-06T07:14:00.011-05:00

Last weekend, my daughter had her prom. Here are some photos.