Sunday, December 23, 2012
Wrapping Up 2012
It's been a strange year for me . . . . starting out with great hope that I'd make a successful radio sales career for myself, and then slowly realizing that I couldn't make a living at it. The current job right now is very temporary . . . and I don't know what's around the corner.
Plus, being hit with health problems (very minor ones in the scheme of things) but many of my friends and their family members have had health challenges that make mine PALE in comparison.
All in all, there feels as if there's a shifting in my life, a gradual change but one that isn't unwelcome . . . . . just different.
In terms of outer changes, I've been letting the gray grow through my hair, but that's been far too slow for my liking. But that growing out process has taught me some important lessons. Real change, even in superficial matters such as hair, requires patience and often a "hand's off" approach . . . . . just letting myself transform naturally . . . and in the process, I'm reevaluating what other changes can come into my life if I take a more "let it be" approach and a less goal-oriented "make it happen" style that I've always adopted in the past.
It's probably going to take at least a year to grow the gray out, and then I'll still have to grow the length longer, so it's a painstakingly slow process. It's teaching me about patience which is a lesson I've never learned, but one that seems fitting for the decade of my 50's.
You know, something internally is really shifting in me. I'm growing more accepting, but not in a "giving up" kind of way. I'm feeling a need to get REAL within myself and to just strip away things that no longer seem to be a part of my current life.
In terms of health, I'm having surgery in just a few days. A big surgery. Total Abdominal Hysterectomy. I'm nervous about it, but ready to move on and leave it behind too.
The gift to myself this year is age gracefully and to no longer avoid aging, just to embrace what is inside AND outside of me. To make the best of what I am and have to give to others, without holding on too tightly to anything.
Merry Christmas everyone. May you end the year with those closest to you, and may you embrace whatever gifts you're given.