I'm having hormonal problems and feel really bad right now - really BLAH. Not sure if it's perimenopause or menopause - it all seems to blend together at this in-between age. But I'm feeling physically really bad. Emotionally bad too. It's all blending together.
Even my weekends, usually my salvation from a boring job have been pretty "eeeeeh" lately. Nothing exciting. Though I'm not unemployed, I'm certainly UNDERemployed. It pays really low and it is mentally so boring I can barely stand it. I should get a better job, but my friend Greg put it pretty succinctly when he said, "I think you probably need to get a better job, but you don't have the energy right now to start something new or to even interview with a new place." The only thing I like about my job is that it is low-stress and you can dress casual. Dressing casual means a lot to me right now, and I'm not sure why. I rarely feel this lazy and unmotivated, but it's something that will hopefully pass.
On a happier note, guess what I did yesterday? I went to The Studio and took a lesson in crochet from a teacher named "Nirmal." She's a tax accountant by day - a crocheter at night. She's been crocheting since she was seven. Very nice, serene lady. I really liked her. She was just what I needed right now. A breath of calm and focused help.
As you know, I love Freeform and have been fascinated with it. My latest Freeform project are the Freform sleeves for my denim vest - hoping to turn it into a jacket. I did some scrumbles last week at home with knitting but wasn't satisfied with them. Don't like the colors and they just looked too blah (like I feel). I'm wanting to jazz the project up with some crocheted pieces. I need to learn crochet so that I can enhance my Freeform work, and also to do more finished edges on knitted projects.
Nimal was the perfect anecdote. She and I had a one-on-one two hour crochet consultation. It wasn't supposed to be that way. One other person may join us next time we meet, in two weeks, but she was out of town yesterday and couldn't make it. So I had a nify private session getting valuable tips from a crochet guru. She sat right down next to me, watched me crochet, and she was one of those wonderful (and rare) teachers who didn't need to take the needle/hook out of my hand in order to teach me. She watched me work, and she could tell where I was at and what I needed to do when I got stuck. But she also let me figure a lot of things out on my own. When I needed correction, she gently guided me without making me feel stupid.
Maybe she's so gentle because she's a long-time vegetarian? I don't know, but she sat there next to me so serenely that I drank in her calm peace and walked away feeling like I'd meditated for two hours instead of crocheting.
This is what I made - nothing impressive, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I want to get in that same serene mental zone and find the spiritual where-with-all to find that somewhere within myself.
I walk around most days so hyper, in a hurry, frazzled, I want that AHHHHHHHH feeling.
4 comments:
"Action conquers fear, regardless of outcome."
Who said that? Love the quote. Don't know what action to take.
It's fiction, said to a female fictional character (FBI agent, I think) that needed to make a move but wouldn't for fear of making the wrong one even though everything kept getting worse.
"I think you probably need to get a better job, but you don't have the energy right now to start something new or to even interview with a new place." Advice that was surely well meant but keeping you stuck in the mire.
I understand about people that calm. You just want to be in the same room with them. I'm high-energy like you, but we crave that groundedness from time to time.
I enjoy the motions of crochet. I like how it looks in lightweight yarns, particularly on nice big hooks where it's light and airy. Or thread lace, though I suspect I'll never do that myself.
Two words: Nurture yourself.
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