Saturday, April 04, 2009

Inner Confusipation

Have you ever had it - a strange feeling of anticipation mixed with unease, confusion - a fussy feeling of not being able to rest and wanting to buzz around and get things ready in anticipation of a big change? But you're not quite sure what it is? And you're excited, nervous, confused and enthused all at the same time? I guess I'll call it . . . Confusipation?

That's what I'm feeling right now. It's very strange. And very exhilerating all at the same time. I'm feeling drawn to be busy on the outside, but still and waiting on the inside. I'm being drawn to prayer and meditate more - to read books like Breakfast with Buddha by Roland Merullo.

Even in my knitting life, I feel bouncy and restless. Wanting to start a bunch of new projects, but also feeling a need to finish some stuff that have been in the works for a while. The last two days, I've felt an INTENSE need to finish this Feather and Fan prayer shawl I started nearly two months ago. It's growing (now 37" long - and the simplicity of the stitch pattern is creating a soothing rhythm that I hope will create serenity and healing for the woman whom I making it for.

And I'm making this shawl for a specific person whose husband was in a bad accident and needs many thoughts and prayers, for the whole family's physical, financial and emotional healing.

Engaging my thoughts in wishing the best for another person's healing is helping me wait with quiet confusapation for whatever is about to happen in my own life.


AlisonH said...

I just sent a prayer upwards (I owe so many!) for you, for your friend's husband, and for your friend, too--something like that effects everybody around the person who's hurt. My best wishes to them, and thank you for knitting for her.

Christine said...

The shawl is lovely. I'm sure she'll appreciate it. I love the confusipation term. I know just what you mean! Hang in there!

Elysbeth said...

It's lovely that you are setting aside your own new beginnings to soothe someone else over a rough spot.

I hope you have a relaxed holiday.