Saturday, February 24, 2007

Quit Lying to Myself

All right. This has to stop. This lying to myself. I am 5'3" tall and now officially 151.6 lbs according to the Weight Watchers scale. By all accounts, by all measurements, that is FAT. Even the jeans and long tops I wear can't cover it up. I am fat. I am bursting out of my size 12 jeans. I feel uncomfortable.

Dieting is not a whimiscal hobby that I can take up and put away when it's convenient. I can't afford to do that anymore. The lie: I watch my weight. The truth: I watch it go UP but I'm not really taking the steps needed to get it down to a healthy level. And the fact it, I'm at an age and a hormone state where I can't get by with eating candy, potato chips, potato salad, french fries, or a bowl of ice cream.

I don't each much of that stuff anyway, and I don't drink any liquor at all, yet I'm still fat. The truth is my body is so temperamental lately, that I need to watch everything I eat. To keep a food journal. To prepare my own food instead of constantly eating out. Restaurants are so convenient in my high-stress life. But I can't do that. I can't afford it anymore - either the expense or the weight.

I also can't afford to just go to Weight Watchers just when the urge (or the frustation level) hits me. I will go every week - on Saturday morning to the 8:00 meeting. There's a woman there named Cristina leading it who went from 289 lbs down to 120 lbs. It wasn't easy for her, it took a lot of commitment and it wasn't an instant success. It took a long time, but she stuck with it. She's darling. She's funny. She's Southern. And she is all about telling the truth to herself. I need to start telling the truth to myself, and facing up to the fact that I use food as an emotional outlet. It's just as unhealthy to overeat as is smoking, drinking and all the other bad habits I don't have and never have had.

So that's the truth. I'm fat, but I'm going to do my damndest to change. At 5'3", every extra pound really SHOWS. I'm going to start wearing my pedometer again. I need to somehow get in 10,000 steps per day - whether that's accomplished through formal exercise, or walking, I'm going to move more. At my job, I don't move at all which is part of the problem. I need to get out and WALK on my lunch hour. Now that spring is coming, I can probably do that again.

So that's the plan everyone, and feel free to remind me and hold me accountable if you don't hear about my healthy eating and exercising habits for a while - if I don't mention it, I've probably fallen off the wagon again and need to be hauled back on!!!! Seriously.


Jeanne said...

Losing weight is so hard, but so worth it too. I've been struggling with this since August - on one week, off the next so I can relate! Good luck with your plan - and thanks - you kicked me in the ass too!

Jeanie said...

I'm 5' 3" too so I know exactly what you mean about every little pound showing. Like you, I don't get to move very much at work and making myself exercise daily is SO hard -- I totally lack the motivation to do it which is terrible at my age. Your "confession" is refreshing and an inspiration to the rest of us who can relate to the battle of the bulge.

Chelle said...

Thanks, Jeanne and Jeanie! I'm really trying. Being accountable here on my blog makes me stay truer to myself and the diet. Weight loss is a struggle for me. On both Satruday and Sunday I exercised for 20 minutes on my Nordic Track. I've got to get back gradually into exercise. Since I'm so out of shape, I can't do it all at once. I didn't exercise yet today (Monday). On work days, I need to get up earlier to allow enough time and energy.

I've been true to the diet on Saturday, Sunday and today. I'm doing the Core program this week. Eventually I might switch to "flex" on the weeks I need more options, but I'm trying to eat at home every day this week and see if that helps.

ColorJoy LynnH said...

In 1977, I was 5'1-3/4" and 170lb according to Weight Watchers. By 1980 I was around 110 and today I'm still around 120 and have not been up to 130 again. (I'm also now 5'2.25".)

It's about lifestyle change, which is as personal a statement as one can give. That means different things to different people.

I know that every time I switch jobs, move, go through relationship changes (in my case, marriage, divorce, singleness and marriage again all since 1980).

I can't tell you what it will be for you, but I'm here to give you the hope that it can be done.

Figure out as many comfort things you can do for yourself, and substitute those. I love hot baths, but my biggest one is hot tea. If I have tea I feel spoiled and I am putting something into my mouth. Works for me, you'll find your own thing.

ColorJoy LynnH said...

Whoops, meant to say that everytime I hit a lifestyle change I have to watch my routine so I don't go back to old habits. I left off that paragraph somehow.

Elysbeth said...

Seconding the hot tea tip. I treated myself to a wide variety of Republic of Tea bags, and it's like a little sanity treat. When I am at work you have to go the basement to get water for a cup of tea, so I go down, get it all in a little thermos, maybe with some lemon honey, and then walk up 3 or 4 flights of stairs, then back down to the first floor where I work. Moving like that relieves stress, tightens the fanny, revs the metabolism, takes 7 minutes (less than my smoking co-workers take on break), and I have tea perfectly ready when I get back to the lab.

You can do it. Have you tried the Leslie Sansone videos, they are boring, but I can't do fancy at 430 am. However, I get a big charge out of telling myself - I already did 2 miles today, before I even leave the house.