Saturday, July 28, 2007


Find the calm.

My goal this week was to meditate every day . . . I needed to. Because I didn't, because I decided instead to live life one frantic day into another, things were pretty hectic, upset, feeling wound up. But it wasn't due to outside things like usual, it was all within ME. I was choosing to stress myself out over a variety of things, the sweater gone awry, the job change that I still feel worried about financially. Other personal things going on. But mainly just MEEE. I don't feel content within my own skin.

Uppermost is the lingering resentment about my job change - even though the new department I'm in is totally low-stress and much more low-key, I realized late this week that I am still feeling bitter about the other department, still feeling upset about it and hadn't totally let go. I have thought, "But if only . . . " the potential of success I might have had in the other department. And frankly, money is a BIG part of it.

My personality is naturally high-strung - and this dept is the opposite. Can I really fit into a "peace love and groove" kind of place? I think I landed there for a reason.

I've been listening to one of my favorite gurus, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and in particular, his CDs called, "There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem." He encourages you, if you can't meditate for 20 minutes at a time, try finding every peaceful moment you can throughout the day and just going within for a moment or two. I did that several times yesterday, once before driving home while I was sitting in my car! Not exactly an ashram or anything, but amazingly, I learned when I worked at the funeral home that most people express a LOT of emotion in the car. Some people sing and relieve stress through music - some people cry. I've done that many times before. But what I did yesterday was go within for just a few minutes, and suddenly I heard an inner voice telling me, "This too is for a purpose. Your lesson here is to just settle in and relax. This job lesson is about letting go and accepting what is - not running away, not stewing, just letting go."

So I'm going to try to just go with it and see if this is where I should be for a while. I'm also going to just do some foregiveness meditation this week - mainly forgiving myself for what I still preceive as failure and letting myself just breathe!

Phyllis gave me a wonderful little book that I can't wait to dive into. It is called, "This Year I Will" by M.J. Ryan. I just started it last night. It's a book that helps you actually achieve your yearly goals. Too often, I want to achieve something . . . mainly weight loss . . . and then I give up within days or weeks and go back to my unhealthy ways. M.J. Ryan, the author, coaches the reader through making changes that can actually stick long-term. She goes into the reasons why we let go of the changes we want to make and gives you strategies to succeed.

This morning I did my treadmill. Yeah!!!

I'm going to a Weight Watchers meeting this morning. I need to get refocused on healthy eating. I keep waffling between different weight loss plans. I need to just go to WW today and focus on healthy eating and exercise.

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