Monday, July 10, 2006

Help I'm Becoming Woody Allen

I'm feeling really lost, and frustrated with my "lostness." Yes, part of it is that I need to find a job and I hate job hunting and the whole starting a new job thing. I'm not in the mood for it right now. Sorry, some of you may not want to read today's entry because it will probably come across as kind of negative. But I'm needing to vent and reflect, and this is as good a place as any to do so. I may decide to delete it later - yeah in true neurotic Woody Allen style, I'm second guessing myself, even on my blog entries.

Blessings: I have a wonderful husband, daughter, mother and life in general. But I find myself dwelling on the "hangnails" of life - mainly, I need to find work that isn't too stressful, but not too undemanding either, and ideally would be close to home so I don't have to drive an hour a day each way. I just need to get back in mental swing again so I can look perky for job interviews. It takes a certain frame of mind, don't you know.

I think I really need to meditate again to get centered and focused. Probably should have gone to church to Unity today, because that always helps whenever I get this lost feeling. Though I'm officially Jewish, I feel am a spiritual hodepodge. Unity is my spiritual "homeplace" - especially Unity Village. But I didn't go. I made breakfast and spent time with my family which also was nurturing and felt good.

But back on the "lost and scattered" theme, my knitting life reflects the real life, as always. I have way WAY too many projects going. It's making me feel unsettled. I crave the quick, get-it-done-now projects like dish rags, baby kimonos (even though I don't have a baby), everything in the Mason Dixon book, as well as Buttonhole felted bags (another Ann/Kay design). What is up with me? I crave fast and easy projects just like I craved salt about three or four months ago. Weird! But then again, I also have a few long-term projects that need tending to, that I really want to work on again, but feel too scattered to get much of anything done.

I read the other day that the average knitter completes 15 projects per year (both small and major ones combine). Since January 2006, I've completed 7 so far (3 pairs of socks, 1 sweater, 1 hat, 1 baby kimono and bootees and 1 scarf), which isn't bad for a slow knitter like me - and we're about halfway through the year, so I'm "on track" - not that I need to be. Gosh, this isn't a race is it? Only in terms of how my knitting projects are reflective of my whole life.

Projects currently on the needles in "active" mode: my orange-striped Trekking socks (one down, one to go), my Simply Lovely Lace socks (barely started), a buttonhole bag.

But then again, I've got several long-term projects that are still "in process" and more in limbo than in process - i.e. the 63-square "Learn to Knit" afghan (I'm on square 7 of 63); the Crayon Box Jacket that I started a year ago last Spring (maybe 1/4 done - 72 squares altogether); the Freeform vest that I started this Spring and really want to finish by Fall because I like it.

So how many projects does a sane person have going at any one time?

Not sure, but I felt a supreme sense of guilt when I was taking the Crochet class at the Studio yesterday and found out that two of the people in it were also in that original Studio Crayon Box Jacket (CBJ) class - plus my Mom was there too and she's in the same boat with CBJ. Of the four of us there 3 of us had NOT completed our jackets and 1 had. The one lady who finished hers, the teacher (Deb) said that she finished it by making herself do 2 squares per night before she could work on any other project. Does she have self-discipline or what?

Here's a link to the main CBJ Jacket from the designer's website

All 4 of us still like the jacket itself (though I'm regretful of the pastel colors I selected). Mom and I are tempted to take it up again in late August, when the Studio offers another class on it. August 29th. It's funny because I was seriously considering ditching that CBJ jacket a few days ago. I almost threw it in trash, but I held back. Ahhh!!!! The frustration of it all.

Most likely, I'm neurotic and am living inside my head too much, kinda like Woody Allen. That may explain why I'm also craving old Woody Allen movies. I'm loading up Annie Hall, Hannah and Her Sisters. "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered," my favorite song of all time, best describes my mental state. Ack!!!!!


Jeanie said...

Hey! I posted to this earlier!!! Where'd my comment go? Did you get it?

ChelleC said...

Jeanie, yes, I got your comment and those of the others. What happened is that when I tried to "fix" the entry that had no pictures by putting it in a new blog entry, I inadvertently deleted the earlier entry with all the comments.

Write me privately via email ChelleC100atyahoodotcom and we'll talk. Thanks!